The importance of staying connected to youth as we age
My grandson and his wife brought their six-month-old daughter, Reese, to visit a while back. When we went to the dining room for dinner, we were surprised by the stir her presence caused. A parade of people stopped by, not to chat with the adults, but to spend time with Reese. She was extraordinarily responsive, smiling and cooing at each visitor. They lingered, and many returned a second or third time. The moment was magical, and they didn’t want to leave.
Connecting to grandchildren and other young people is one of the most treasured aspects in the lives of elders. Studies show that these connections improve our physical and mental health, and even lower our risk of depression. We intuitively grasp that building bridges between generations is vital to our well-being and these intergenerational relationships often have a profound impact. For those of us without children or grandchildren, we find ways to bring younger people into our lives, whether it’s bonding with a niece, nephew, or the child of a friend.
Today, intergenerational connections are less common than in the past. While 83% of us over 65 have grandchildren, most of us do not have a major role in their care, and fewer households are multigenerational. Additionally, many grandparents live hundreds to thousands of miles away from their grandchildren.
In addition, in the United States, society is structured by age. In school and college, our classmates are almost always our age, and throughout our lives, we primarily socialize with people in our age group. This trend continues as we grow older, our friends are usually about our age.
The older generation has always been the custodian of traditions and culture. They play a crucial role in passing down values and distinguishing right from wrong to younger generations. Despite societal changes, the importance of elders sharing their knowledge remains significant today. Many grandparents act as family historians, teaching younger family members about their heritage and lineage.
Most of us over 70 worry about the future — not so much for ourselves, but for the younger generations. We can see how difficult life is for them. Many struggle to pay their bills and buying a house seems impossible. As they grow older, they often question the importance of marriage. We feel saddened when they tell us they aren’t sure they want to bring children into this uncertain world.
We want to help the younger generations and stay connected to them. How do we do that?
Reaching Out
Many of us think the younger generations aren’t interested in spending time with us. One of the common mistakes of the older generation is waiting for the younger generation to show up. Instead, we need to take the initiative for making these connections that are so important to us. Relationships take nurture and we need to do our part by being proactive.
It doesn’t have to be complicated. We can call our grandkids and send them texts, photos, and emails. We can invite them to visit or take them to a restaurant. What’s important is letting them know we would love to see them, but not placing expectations or obligations on them.
Instead of giving gifts of money or things, some grandparents now are giving experiences like going to a show or a ball game — an event that includes, of course, the grandparent. For example, I gathered my family for my recent milestone birthday. I’m pleased that this resulted in the grandchildren forming an online family forum that increases our connectivity.
Providing Emotional Support
When one of my granddaughters wanted to change high schools, her parents were initially opposed, partly due to financial concerns. As the grandmother, I offered my support and a listening ear to my granddaughter. The more we spoke, I became convinced that if she chose a new school, she would make it work.
She then wrote a carefully reasoned nine-page letter to her parents, explaining why transferring schools was so important to her. She was persuasive, and gradually, her parents understood her perspective. Ultimately, they agreed and made it happen. We were all thrilled to see my granddaughter flourish at her new school, and I felt a deep sense of satisfaction knowing that I played a role in her success.
As elders, we can provide valuable emotional support to young people who are struggling. It is a privilege to be able to accompany a young person on their emotional journey.
Sharing Our Wisdom
Young people want to know what we older people have learned over our long lives. Our stories are what they remember most. Here is one story my grandfather told me when I was about ten.
Everyone called my grandpa’s father Major because he had fought in the Civil War and he was their hero. When the governor of Missouri announced he was coming to town, Major was asked to play golf with him. Major was also advised, “You should let the governor win.” Major thought about that idea and decided it would be dishonest and he couldn’t do it. So, Major played his very best and whomped the governor. When I was in college and was asked by a friend to lie about whether she had authored a certain paper, I reflected on this story and said no, I couldn’t do it.
I believe telling our own stories is the best way to pass on our convictions and values. What doesn’t work is lecturing young people and telling them what they should do.
Many programs foster cross-generational connections. For instance, at Lasell Village, a Senior Living community in Newton, Massachusetts, residents take courses right alongside undergraduates. In my own retirement community, we have a thriving coaching program where residents help volunteer staff members with their English skills. Additionally, at the high school in Concord, Massachusetts, there is an annual program in which older community members visit a 9th-grade classroom and read poetry in small groups alongside the students. My friend Anne, who participated in that program, was amazed and touched by the depth of the conversations she had.
Connections between older and younger people are precious, and we continue to invent new ways to make them happen. The younger generations benefits from these encounters, of course. But for the old generation, they are more essential. These connections bring renewed energy, hope, and well-being. Most importantly, they provide purpose and meaning to our lives. This is the way we help shape the future world that we will never see. These connections are our legacy.
